Remy Rescue/Transcript
Green's House, front yard (Episode title appears in the mud. Remy is sitting on Herbert the pig who stands before a mud puddle with Tilly holding on.) Cricket: (into his megaphone) Welcome, folks, to the first annual Mud Pit Long Jump! Remy, any last words? Remy: Live fast, die young! Also, can you hold my phone? Cricket: Sure. (takes it) And they're off! (Tilly releases Herbert's leash, sending him off.) Remy: (laughs) I feel so aliiiiiiiiiive!!! (Herbert slams into the flowerbox, sending Remy flying far into the mud.) Remy: (laughs wildly) Cricket: Whoo-whee! It's a new record! (The phone rings; it says "Mom: Face Calling".) Cricket: Hey Remy, your mom's callin'. Don't worry, I got it. Remy: (in shocking realization) No...Cricket...DON'T ANSWER IT!! (Too late. Remy's mother Rashida is on the other line.) Rashida: Hi, sweetie. Just checking in to -- (notices Cricket) Wait. Who is this? Cricket: Hiiiiiii... Rashida: (gasps) Where's my son?!? Cricket: Why, he's right here. Remy: (waves) Hello, Mother. Rashida: Where are you? Why aren't you at your violin lessons? Cricket: (tapping the screen) Boop. Boop. Rashida: What is going on? Remy: (runs over and takes back the phone) Oh, Mother! I can explain! I am at my lesson, it's just that I... (nervous chuckle) I-I uh...fell out the window. Rashida: Sweetie, I'm a lawyer. If you're going to lie to me, you're gonna have to do a better job than that. (His father Russell appears, blowing a whistle.) Russell: TIME OUT! You really fumbled this one, son! We're sendin' Vasquez! Remy: But wait! I -- (A limo drives up before him.) Remy: Well, Cricket, it was nice knowing you. Cricket: What the heck is goin' on?! (The door opens to reveal Vasquez, the guard, who swipes Remy inside.) Remy: Wah! Vasquez: Have a nice day. (closes door) Cricket, Tilly: REMY! (The limo drives away.) Cricket: Tilly, we gotta follow him! Come on! (Shifts to a Google Maps esque setting which shows Cricket and Tilly's heads following after a red dot, which represents the limo. It arrives at a nearby building.) Remington Manor, exterior (The limo drives through a gate to an elaborate household; Cricket and Tilly run towards it.) Cricket: REMYYYYYY!!! (They slip right through just before they close, then pant tiredly.) Cricket: Following on foot...a bad idea. Tilly: Cricket, look! (Reveals Remy's home to be a luxurious mansion.) Cricket: Whoa... (They pass the fountain.) Cricket: (stars in eyes) Whoever stole Remy's loaded. Tilly: I had no idea bein' a criminal was such a high income profession. (gets grabbed away) Whoa! Cricket: Shh. (Hiding behind a statue, they spot Vasquez guarding the door.) Tilly: (gasps) That's the guy who took Remy! (Out of Vasquez's sight, they sneak quietly along the mansion walls and climb a trellis to the highest window.) Inside hallway Cricket: (hopping in) Careful, Tilly. We don't know what kind of monsters we're dealing with. (sees something) Huh? (Shows a realistic-looking tiger charging at him.) Cricket: AHHHHHH!!! NO, TILLY! TILLY, SAVE ME, TILLY! (It was just a wax tiger on a stand.) Cricket: Oh, ha...it's fake. Tilly: (giggles and sticks her head in the tiger's mouth) "My name's Cricket! Ahh! Somebody help me! Ahh!" (Cricket is not enthused and blushes embarrassingly.) Tilly: (giggles more) ...That's you. Living room, upper level Cricket: Whoa, where the heck are we? (On the bottom level is an elaborate living room; a portrait of Remy and his parents hangs over the fireplace.) Cricket: Wait...does Remy...live here? (Remy is heard talking; down the hall, Cricket sneaks up to a double door set with Tilly following.) Remy's bedroom (Inside, Remy is on the phone.) Remy: Okay...yeah...okay. Bye. (hangs up and sighs sadly) Cricket: (appears behind him) Remy! Remy: Agh!! (drops phone and falls; excited) Cricket! (then, nervous) Wait...you shouldn't be here! Cricket: What's goin' on, Remy? Why'd that guy snatch you? (entranced, stars in eyes) Do you liiiive heeeeerrrreeee? Remy: Not for long! Cricket, listen to me! I'm in the deepest doo-doo I've ever been dooed! You see, I've...kinda been blowing off my lessons to hang out with you. All of my lessons. Cricket: (playing Remy's violin improperly) Well, yeah! Lessons are boring! Remy: But now, my parents know! And they are livid! Cricket: (jumping on the bed with Tilly) We're all livid 'til the day we die. Remy: It's bad, Cricket -- really bad! Cricket: (jumps off) Hey, if you hate lessons so much, why don't you just tell your parents? I tell my dad I don't wanna do stuff all the time. He hates it, but I'm fine. Remy: I don't know. I've never talked to them like that. Cricket: Here, I'll help ya! (holds up a picture of Rashida and Russell) "Uh-oh! Remy it's us, your parents! Time to go do math! Chores, chores, chores! Is there anything you wanted to say to us? Just say it, and we'll find a compromise!" Remy: (voice nervously sinking to a whisper) I...think I...don't...want to...go to...lessons? (pause) Cricket: What was that?!? You were like a different person just now. Remy: (stutters) It doesn't matter! It's too late! (goes to the window) My parents are sending me to boarding school, and I'll never see you guys again. Cricket, Tilly: (look at each other and nod) Hmph! Cricket: Just leave it to us! We'll help you, Remy! Tilly: You'll never have to take lessons again if you don't want to. Cricket: First things first, we gotta escape this fortress. Remy: Okay! The only way out is through the front gate. We have to get the keys from my bodyguard... Main foyer Remy (OS): ...Vasquez. (He is standing sternly in the hallway.) Remy (OS): HELP! Vasquez: (gasps) The shrill cry of Master Remy! (He sees what appears to be the shadow of Remy hanging for dear life onto the railing of the upper level.) Remy: HELP ME, VASQUEZ! Vasquez: His weak arms can't hold! I'm coming for you, Master Remy!! (He runs over and catches "Remy", who is really a dummy with a football for the head.) Vasquez: Gotcha! (The football falls off.) Vasquez: What the...? (is grabbed) Agh!! (Cricket and Tilly strap Vasquez to a chair and tie him up.) Vasquez: AAAAAAAGH!! What's goin' on?!? (The real Remy has taken the place of the dummy.) Remy: I'm sorry, Vasquez! Cricket: I'm not. Gimmie those keys! (takes them out of Vasquez's jacket pocket) Vasquez: Hey! Your parents aren't gonna be happy about this!! Cricket: Well, Remy's parents aren't here. Vasquez: Or are they...? (snickers) (The sound of a helicopter rotor fades up as the kids gasp; from out the window, the family's helicopter comes down and lands on a pad in the middle of the entrance yard, and an angry Rashida and Russell emerge.) Remy: I'm really in for it now. Cricket, what do I do?! Cricket: They can't punish it if they can't get in! (Yelling, he knocks over a grandfather clock and laughs; he proceeds to block the door with various household things.) Tilly: There has got to be a better way. Remy: (looks at the keys; runs over) Wait. Cricket! Follow me! (leaves) Cricket: Okay. (throws a plant at the door; follows him) Tilly, watch the prisoner! Tilly: My pleasure! (to Vasquez) It's just you and me now. (ominously) And we are gonna have some fun. (cheerfully) I'm gonna find a board game! I'll be right back. (Right when she leaves, Vasquez begins to gnaw his way out of the rope.) Security room/Outside (Remy puts the key into a door.) Remy: This is Vasquez's security room. We can hide out in here. (They enter; a row of monitors stands off to one side.) Cricket: Whoa! (sees the action) Hey, look! Y-your parents are on the TV! And they're about to get in! Remy: (points to a red button on the panel) T-this button will lock the doors! Cricket: Well what are you waitin' for? Remy: Huh? I'm not allowed to press it! Cricket: Well then, I'll press it! (He presses it; all the doors and windows of the mansion lock with binder shades.) Rashida, Russell: (gasps) Rashida: Vasquez! OPEN UP THESE BARRICADES! Cricket: Ooh...they look mad. Remy: What are we gonna do, cricket? Cricket: We just need to show 'em who's boss! (into the mic) Listen up, suits! I claim this house in the name of Remy! Rashida: That voice. You're the urchin that was with my Remy! Russell: Son, we're breakin' through your defensive line, and then when we find you, you wish I was only speakin' in football metaphors! Remy: Oh, man, Cricket! Okay...maybe we should let them in. Cricket: Remy, we can't. We're in too deep. Main foyer Tilly: (returns with a board game) This game sounds fun! It's called Whoopsie Daddle. I -- (She sees Vasquez has broken out of the chair in her absence.) Tilly: Oh. (sighs) He escaped. Well, if that's the way you wanna play...let the real game begin. (She opens a vent cover in the wall and crawls backwards inside it.) Security room Remy: (pacing back and forth) Oh...what are we gonna do, what are we gonna do?!? Cricket: Whoa, whoa, buddy, relax! Just spitball in here, we move to the Mongolian tundra, and become nomads. Remy: That seems too cold. Cricket: South America? Remy: That seems too hot! Cricket: Mars! They colonize Mars, right? If not, we colonize Mars! Remy: (whimpers) I don't know about that. Cricket: Well, I don't know! I'm out of ideas! Remy, what do you wanna do? (Pause; then...) Remy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -- Cricket: What's happening...? Main foyer (Vasquez sneaks through the halls and flips a switch near a window, unlocking it for Rashida and Russell to get through.) Vasquez: A million apologies, ma'am. Rashida: We'll deal with you later, Vasquez. Now where's my sweet baby boy?! Security room Remy: ...AAAAAAAAAAA'AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...' Cricket: (plugging ears) REMY, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE SCREAMING! Remy: IT'S ALL GOING DOWN IN FLAMES! Cricket: Uh...what now? Remy: WHY DID I THINK I COULD HAVE IT ALL?! I WAS IN WAY OVER MY HEAD! I FAKED A BLOOD TEST SO THAT MY TEACHER WOULD THINK I WAS SICK! A BLOOD TEST!!!!! I mean...it's their fault, really. They decide EVERYTHING I DO!! (As Cricket talks, Rashida and Russell are shown approaching the door on the monitors behind them.) Cricket: Easy, easy! We still have time to figure it out. Well, of course, unless your parents possess some kind of...anger induced super-strength. (They slam the door open right on cue.) Cricket, Remy: AGH!! Rashida: REMY REMINGTON! YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, YOUNG MAN! Cricket: We can explain, I -- wait. Your name's Remy Remington? Remy: Yeah, why? Cricket: No reason! Hmm. Rashida: And you! What qualifies you to spend time with our child? Cricket: Well, I -- (a frog pops out of his chest pocket; shoves it back in) Not now! (nervous giggle) Rashida, Russell: Hmm... Hallway (Smash to Rashida and Russell escorting Remy away while Vasquez carries Cricket behind them.) Cricket: Well, this is completely unnecessary. I can walk just fine. Russell: We're takin' you straight to boarding school. Cricket: (whispers) Remy, do it now! Talk to them! Remy: (nervously; quietly) Mmm...um, Mom? Dad? Can I not go to boarding school? Russell: Now, now, enough of that, son, we need to get you away from these...bad influences. Cricket: (offended) Hey, I'm a good influence! Entrance courtyard Remy: When'll I get to see Cricket again? Rashida: Hopefully never. Cricket: (hurt) What? (Remy's parents walk him toward the family helicopter.) Cricket: REMY!!...REMINGTON!! Vasquez: Tough break, kid. Master Remy seemed fully fond of you. Now, let's get you back home. (Walking noises are heard from above.) Vasquez: Huh? (The vent door above opens to reveal Tilly falling out with game pieces around her.) Tilly: WHOOPSIE DADDLE! (glomps onto Vasquez) CRICKET, RUN! (Vasquez loses grip on Cricket due to this; Cricket lands.) Cricket: Huh? (The helicopter is about to take off with the Remingtons inside; Cricket rushes towards it.) Cricket: Aaaaaaaaaaaagh...YAAAAAA!!! (He jumps and grabs onto one of the helicopter's legs.) Tilly: Go, Cricket! Remingtons' helicopter Cricket: Mr. and Mrs. Remington! Please listen to me! Rashida: Oh my goodness, that boy is crazy! Cricket: I know you don't like me much, but I have something to say! (Cut to inside the helicopter; everything Cricket says is muffled gibberish due to the closed windows.) Rashida: What is he saying? Russell: It's not important, dear. Vasquez Senior! Shake him off into the pool! (Shows Vasquez's lookalike father piloting.) Vasquez Senior: Roger Roger. (He begins to shake the helicopter, which is now over a swimming pool; Cricket tries to hold on.) Cricket: Ahhhhhh...whoaaaaaaaaa!!! (Cut back inside the helicopter; zooms in on an agitated Remy.) Rashida: Hmm. He's really holding on. Russell: Vasquez Senior! Shake harder! Rashida: Who is that boy anyway? (No longer able to hold it...) Remy: HE'S MY FRIEND! Rashida: (surprised) Remy? Remy: (inhales) I don't want to go to boarding school!! I don't like calligraphy lessons, water polo lessons, er...cashmere sweaters! Rashida, Russell: (gasp) Remy: I want to go outside more! And I want to make my own decisions! Like a big boy! (fake coughs) I-I mean -- (manly voice) Like a big boy! (normal) I like it here in Big City, and I wanna stay here with my friend! (Pause.) Rashida: Sweetie, where did you learn to be so assertive? Remy: From him! (Cricket is still clinging to the leg, laughing like an idiot.) Rashida: Really? Russell: Your assertiveness lessons were never this effective! Rashida: Dear, maybe letting Remy stay and allowing him to interact with this "Cricket" is the best thing for him right now. Remy: (gasps) Really!?! You mean it!?! Cricket: (lets go) YEAH! (realizes) Huh? (falls) AHHHHHHH!!! (splashes into pool; gargled) Whoooo!!! Courtyard (The helicopter lands; Cricket, Tilly and Vasquez run over.) Cricket: Remy! Remy! Remy: (gets off) Cricket! Cricket: Remyyyyyy!!! Remy: Crickeeeeeet!!! (They reach each other and hug, laughing happily.) Tilly: Tilly! (joins the hugging) Rashida: Remy? We wanted to say two things to you. Remy: Yes, Mother? Rashida: We love you. (kisses him; looks at her watch) And we're late for a meeting. Be good! (She and Russell exit.) Remy: (feels water) Huh? (Cricket is shaking off all the water like a dog.) Rashida: Vasquez? Keep an eye on Remy. Russell: Or else, you're outta the game, mister! (The helicopter flies away; the kids leave with Vasquez behind.) Remy: Come on, Cricket. Let's go finish that pig long jump. Cricket: Whatever you want, buddy. Tilly: I think it's Vasquez's turn! (Vasquez stops suddenly.) Cricket (OS): Sounds good to me! Vasquez: Wha -- ? Ugh. Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:R Category:A-Z